English Language Strangeness Part 3

As seen on Eddsport Magazine

The only shred of dignity Britain will have left after Europe becomes one giant amorphous blob is the English language, which most experts agree should become the official Euro-tongue.

However, the ever efficient Germans suggest that English spelling does have room for improvement and that a 5 year plan has been drawn up to develop ‘EuroEnglish’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’ and ‘k’ will replace the hard ‘c’. Not only will this klear up konfusion and make the life of sivil servants easier, but also komputer keyboards will need one less key.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replased with an ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to get to a stage where more komplikated alterations are possible. So double letters will be removed to inkrease the liklihod of akurate speling. The horible mes of the silent ‘e’ wil also be banishd.

By the fourth yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps like replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yar, ozer silent leters like 'w' vil be holy removed and ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and similar modifikations vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no more trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!