From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Tuesday, December 1, 2009 10:14 AM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: Council Tax Discount
Dear Mr Council person
Thank you so much for your letter asking if I live on my own. It is nice to know that you care so much about my well-being, especially at this time of year when we are all reminded to spare a thought for those less fortunate than ourselves even though none of us really care. Even the other day I kicked a tramp to the floor because I didn’t want to give him my spare change. You know you should really do something about cleaning up this town a bit…
Anyway, I can confirm that I do indeed live on my own. Sometimes I get very lonely and cry myself to sleep at night. It is OK though because I have invented an imaginary friend who keeps me company and stops me from going mental.
Just out of curiosity, could you please answer a couple of questions for me?
1. If I live on my own, why am I only given a 25% discount when there are 50% fewer people living here than if there were two?
2. Why, when I pay such an obscene amount in council tax, are you making me pay for the cost of a stamp to post a letter to you? Are you really that tight?
Lots of love
Dr Dave Liam Prous
Lord of the Sith
The Swamp
Dagobah
THX 1138
From: Customer Services Centre
Sent: Tuesday, December 1, 2009 15:24 PM
To: Dr Dave L. Prous
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your enquiry. We need to confirm that you are the sole occupant of your property. If, as you stated, you are sharing your residency with another person you are no longer entitled to the 25 percent single occupancy discount.
If you could please confirm this in writing within the next 7 days we will amend your direct debit appropriately.
Yours Sincerely
Wayne Gardiner
Customer Support
From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Thursday, December 3, 2009 12:28 PM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Hi Waynetta,
Thanks for your email and for conveniently not answering any of my questions.
I can confirm that I do live on my own so please don’t take any more money from my account otherwise I will not be able to pay off Big Norman the dodgy loan shark and he will make me suck his dick as payment and I really don’t want to go through that again. He is built like a donkey and I nearly choked last time.
I’m a little confused as to why you think I stated I’m not living on my own. I’m not sure that my imaginary friend is entitled to pay council tax or is there a new imaginary friend tax that I’m not aware of. Also, I have a couple more questions for you.
1. When you say I have to reply within 7 days do you mean 7 days from when you sent the email or 7 days since I could be arsed to read it?
2. Are you going to answer any of my previous questions?
Lots of Love
Dr Dave Liam Prous
Lord of the Sith
The Swamp
Dagobah
THX 1138
From: Customer Services Centre
Sent: Thursday, December 3, 2009 16:34 PM
To: Dr Dave L. Prous
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Sir,
We need confirmation in writing that you are the sole occupier of your property.
Kind Regards
Wayne Gardiner
Customer Support
From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Friday, December 4, 2009 09:20 AM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Wayne… ker
I have confirmed in writing. In fact I am sitting at my computer right now writing to confirm that I have already confirmed. I would write a letter using the old fashioned method of using pen and paper but I can not afford a pen because I pay so much in council tax I can’t afford such luxuries. Neither can I afford a stamp. Seeing as you take all of my money, would you be able to post a stamp to me or at least use some of the money you have taken from me and buy one of those pre-paid envelopes?
I have now told my imaginary friend to leave so I am now definitely the sole occupier of my house. This has left be totally devastated and heart-broken but I believe it is for the best. I don’t want you to think I am robbing you of money you feel you deserve because I know the council would never do that to me (did you get the ironic tone in that statement?).
Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon and maybe you might answer some of my questions?
Lots of love
Dr Dave Liam Prous
Lord of the Sith
The Swamp
Dagobah
THX 1138
From: Customer Services Centre
Sent: Friday, December 4, 2009 11:04 AM
To: Dr Dave L. Prous
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Sir,
We need written confirmation as we require a signature to verify against our records.
Kind Regards
Wayne Gardiner
Customer Support
From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Friday, December 4, 2009 11:27 AM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Wayne… king
OK I have attached an image of my signature for your records. I hope this is sufficient.
Merry Christmas!
Dr Dave Liam Prous
Lord of the Sith
The Swamp
Dagobah
THX 1138
From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Friday, December 4, 2009 13:47 PM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Sir,
If you are indeed the sole occupant of your home we will continue to apply the 25 percent discount. If your situation changes at any time you must inform us immediately.
We will automatically issue another confirmation letter next year.
Kind Regards
Wayne Gardiner
Customer Support
From: Dr Dave L. Prous
Sent: Friday, December 4, 2009 14:13 PM
To: Customer Services Centre
Subject: RE: Council Tax Discount
Dear Wayne… ona ryder
Next year will you post a stamp or send a pre-paid envelope?
Thanks in advance for not answering.
Dr Dave Liam Prous
Lord of the Sith
The Swamp
Dagobah
THX 1138
